IT’S A ZEN THING

It’s been said that there are two things people should never seen in the making:  legislation and sausage.  The end product might be nice, but the process is ugly.  To those two, I want to add a third:  building a new home.   As Mr and Mrs F approach the finish line on their little owner/builder project, every day seems to bring a new slate of little crises.  For instance, one morning Mr and Mrs F arrived at the job site to examine the final coat of stucco on the exterior walls.  They were ecstatic with both the color and texture until, upon closer observation, they noticed that the stucco at the base of the entry was different from the rest of the exterior.  Then Mrs F (aka “Eagle eye”) noticed the exterior light cases weren’t flush with the walls—either the  layer of stucco was too thin or the electrical boxes were too big.   Call the Stucco Guy and the Electrician.  Mr F looked up in search of divine intervention and noticed that the alder front door  was warped on top.  Call the Door Guy.  The Tile Guy said there was some give in the laundry room floor:  “Better take care of that before I start laying tile in there. . .”  Call the Framer.  Then the Cabinet Guy said the lights in the kitchen were randomly shutting off and then coming back on after about 15 minutes. 

“What’s causing that?” Mr F asked.

“Oh, they probably didn’t put spacers in there when they sprayed the insulation in the attic,” the Cabinet Guy said.  “The lights are getting too hot so they shut off till they cool off and then they come back on again.  For awhile anyway.  Then they heat up and go off again.”    

Call the Insulation Guy.  

The Insulation Guy asked, “Are the lights IC?” 

Mr F who has learned that it is futile to try to conceal his absolute ignorance of construction matter said, “Uh, what’s IC ?”

“Insulation compatible.   If the lights are IC-rated, you don’t need spacers t keep the lights form over-heating.  Another possibility is the wattage is too high. Check the bulbs.”

Mr F calls the Electrician who tells him he’s already at the house and here’s your problem:  “Your Cabinet Guys are working in your kitchen and they’re turning the lights on at 7:30 AM and they’re burning all day till they leave at 4:30.  You’re never going to run those lights like that.  They finally heat up and then they shut off for a while.  So you can tell your insulator to get up there and put spacers around those cans. But you said your insulation’s is R-49?  Wow!  I’d leave it just like it is, that’s what I’d do.”

Okay, crisis solved.  But then Mr F gets a robo-call from Home Depot:  “Your appliances will be delivered today, May 1st, within the next half-hour. . .”         

No no no no no. (That’s Mr F hyperventilating.)  He’s not ready for the washer, dryer, fridge, dishwasher, and microwave.  Now he’s doing the chicken-with-the-head- cut-off dance:  “We’re not ready for all that stuff!  I called them last week and told them to delivery it to the Home Depot in Payson.  We got no place to put that stuff. The floor’s not in; the interior’s not painted; the tiler’s just getting started.”

Mr. F calls the Home Depot in Payson.  The delivery is coming from L.A. and there’s nothing they can do but hope they got them message to ship it to Home Depot and not the home address.

“You want me to just sit here and wait and hope?” Mr F said.        

“It’s a Zen thing,” the Home Depot Guy said.

Next the Granite Counter Guy called and said the sink that was ordered was way too big.  “You’ll have to contact Arizona Central Supply and order another one.”

“And then sit here and wait and hope?” Mr F said.

“It’s a Zen thing,” the Granite Counter Guy said.

Next the Carpet Guy called:  “Hey, the toe jambs on the stairs have all been cut off. The carpenters said they thought you were putting in wood flooring on the stairs.”

“So what do we have to do?” Mr F said.  “No, don’t tell me: sit here and wait and hope.”

“Well, you can do that,” the Carpet Guy said, “but you could also pay someone to add extensions to the steps.”

“Can they do that?”         

“Lots of screws, lots of glue, but, yes..”

“How much will it cost?”

“Two fifty, maybe three hundred.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Sure.  You can add extensions or you can sit there and wait and hope.”

“I’ll write you a check.”

Now here’s the really strange part.  There was no panic, no freak-outs, no volcanic eruptions.  Mr and Mrs F looked at each other and shrugged.  It’s just another day at the office.   Get on the phone, makes some calls, and then. . . sit there and wait and hope.   It’s a Zen thing.