A HOUSE BY ANY OTHER NAME . . .

People keep asking, “So what kind of house is it?” Mr F’s usual response is a long, dramatic pause followed by, “Let me get back to you on that.”   So now Mr F has been obsessed with coming up with some nifty two word label to describe the house.  Naturally the long-winded blow-hard took twice as many words to do half the job.  So here is Mr F’s little brainchild:  Modern Mountain Mediterranean Fire & Ice.  And just how did he come up with this contradictory concoction?   Leave it to Mr F: Modern Mountain because of the high, vaulted, tongue-and-groove ceiling in the Great Room that opens up to that spectacular view of Cypress Peak Mr F keeps bragging about.

Mediterranean because of the stucco exterior with the pop-out windows, the wrought iron fixtures, the tile and wood floors, the elaborate tile work in the bathrooms, and the  instruments of Inquisition-like torture (i.e., treadmill, exer-cycle) in the walk-out basement.

Fire & Ice because of the schizophrenic blend of warm and cool colors.  For instance,  from the frozen tundra of the north, “Alaska” granite counters in the kitchen and bathrooms; these are thawed out by “Cappuccino” maple hardwood floors in the Great Room and bedrooms.  The interior and exterior are doomed (yes, I used that word correctly) to be painted an array of colors with labels like Wise Owl 42 (fascia), Dark Walnut (exterior beams), Omaha Tan (exterior stucco), Snow Globe (interior ceiling),  and for the interior walls, Lover's Hideaway (wishful thinking on Mr F's part).  Last but not least, Rainbow Delight (front door—that was Mr F’s pick but Mrs F vetoed it  and spared us all the humiliation of making the front page of the local newspaper).

In any case, so much for Mr and Mrs F’s original idea to build a house with a Spanish colonial flavor (tile roof, patios, fountains, arches, aged wood, wrought iron, tuxedoed valets, etc.).  Now the place looks more like a Viking mead hall.